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Mon Dec 2, 2019, 06:12 PM

New Greta On The Shelf Doll Will Track Your Climate Sins

https://babylonbee.com/news/fun-new-greta-on-the-shelf-will-track-your-climate-sins?fbclid=IwAR192ED2jhsFcbeVxpxM85-ZYwet9ILdJPYYU9iogr-OZ-2NU3eSnufHuUY
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U.S.—A fun new "Greta on the Shelf" doll will watch you every day and fly back to the UN each night to report your climate sins to the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change.

The doll is equipped with eye sensors programmed to detect activities that are harmful to the environment.

"Greta sees you when you're sleeping, she knows when you drive your SUV to the store instead of taking public transportation," the manufacturer said. "She knows if you've been bad or carbon-neutral, so be carbon-neutral for goodness' sake!"

One couple in Portland proudly displayed their new doll and lectured their children on the true meaning of Christmas: fighting climate change. "We're gonna play a fun game for the holidays this year -- try to be good little carbon-neutral children, or Greta will tell on you!"

"How dare you!" the doll chanted as the kids of the household left the door open while the heater was on. "You have stolen my dreams and my childhood." The doll then blasted off toward UN headquarters using its jet engines to report on the naughty children, who will receive coal in their stocking. They will be snitched on again, however, if they burn the coal for warmth.

Greta is programmed to detect activities including these:

Leaving the light on when you exit a room
Leaving the fridge open
Driving an SUV
Parents participating in illicit activities that may lead to the creation of more humans
Using a plastic straw instead of sticking your face in a beverage and slurping
Forgetting your reusable grocery bags at home
Getting a cut-down Christmas tree
Getting a carbon-heavy plastic Christmas tree
Turning on any electric appliances
Using the heater instead of rubbing two sticks together for warmth

Children have responded enthusiastically to the doll so far, saying things like, "Mommy, I'm scared," and "Make the bad girl go away."
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This post is dedicated to the enviro-snowflakes

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Reply New Greta On The Shelf Doll Will Track Your Climate Sins (Original post)
Da Mannn Dec 2 OP
Ilovestx Dec 2 #1
imwithfred Dec 2 #2
Da Mannn Dec 2 #3
Frankenvoter Dec 3 #4
Frankenvoter Dec 3 #5

Response to Da Mannn (Original post)


Response to Da Mannn (Original post)

Mon Dec 2, 2019, 06:28 PM

2. What an awesome profit-making idea.

Think of it, a ready-made market for one billion of these dolls, that hasn't been served yet.

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Response to Da Mannn (Original post)

Mon Dec 2, 2019, 06:28 PM

3. just for ilovedicks


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Response to Da Mannn (Original post)

Tue Dec 3, 2019, 06:15 AM

4. Someone needs to take that doll, and print it's pic on each sheet of a roll of toilet paper

Sell it in 4packs for the holidays, make sure it's made of recycled paper.

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Response to Da Mannn (Original post)

Tue Dec 3, 2019, 07:05 AM

5. ***

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