Sciencescience

Thu Oct 11, 2018, 10:18 AM

"we could all die and leave billions of barrels of petroleum trapped in the ground forever"

IRVING, TX—In the wake of a report by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change that projected the planet had only a decade to prevent catastrophic global warming, ExxonMobil CEO Darren Woods was reportedly feeling depressed Wednesday after realizing the Earth could end before they finished extracting all the oil. “When I read about the report, it just hit me like a ton of bricks—we could all die and leave billions of barrels of petroleum trapped in the ground forever,” said Woods, wiping away a tear as he added that the entire oil industry was heartbroken by the thought that they might not have the decades they needed to extract all the oil from the planet as they had originally thought. “We’ve already laid out plans for gas production by future generations of ExxonMobil employees, so it’s just very traumatic for me to consider the idea that they might never get the chance to enjoy the same profits we do now. Just think, one day soon, we’ll all be gone and that oil will still be there in the Earth, never to be removed. It’s a travesty.” At press time, Woods announced ExxonMobil’s plans to quadruple its oil production in an effort to extract it all from the Earth while there was still time.


https://www.theonion.com/exxonmobil-ceo-depressed-after-realizing-earth-could-en-1829656820

12 replies, 140 views

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Response to orson (Original post)

Thu Oct 11, 2018, 10:51 AM

1. Why are you posting an Onion article in science? It's the opposite of science

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Response to Oldgeezer (Reply #1)

Thu Oct 11, 2018, 11:57 AM

3. lighten up ole felller - it beats all the clikbait and fake news we get here



CC

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Response to Oldgeezer (Reply #1)

Thu Oct 11, 2018, 01:09 PM

5. We get posts from ICR and AiG in the Science Forum all the time

Now those are truly satire sites!

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Response to Cold Warrior (Reply #5)

Thu Oct 11, 2018, 01:45 PM

6. They list themselves as satire?

I know what ICR is...a Creationist joint...I know why non believers don't like it...that's fine....not self described satire though.
AiG...not familiar with it...there is a publicly traded AIG company....I'm sure you have a different 1 in mind I'm sure doesn't self identify as satire........am I right?

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Response to Oldgeezer (Reply #6)

Thu Oct 11, 2018, 01:51 PM

7. AiG is Answers in Genesis, not the insurance company AIG

Neither “self identify” as satire but rational people consider them such. In any case, they are no more appropriate for a SCIENCE Forum than is The Onion.

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Response to Cold Warrior (Reply #7)

Thu Oct 11, 2018, 02:03 PM

8. Again..still NOT self identified as satire...true belivers in their "beliefs"

What I'm getting to here is the OP....frigged up.

Found an article that did some confirmation bias...and didn't check out the source....fell for an Onion piece.
I see it on DU from time to time(always funny)....I've caught it here previously

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Response to Oldgeezer (Reply #8)

Thu Oct 11, 2018, 02:09 PM

9. If the OP cut and pasted the article from The Oniom

I would guess he knew it was satire. It’s not as if he, like some other posters, simply gave a link to a satirical article. In any case, the boundary as to what should be in a SCIENCE Forum has long been destroyed here by the vast number of pseudoscience articles that have been posted in the forum.

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Response to Cold Warrior (Reply #9)

Thu Oct 11, 2018, 05:19 PM

12. Except that ain't it....not my 1st rodeo watching hacks gettin duped

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Response to Oldgeezer (Reply #1)

Thu Oct 11, 2018, 05:03 PM

11. Humor is allowed in science. In fact some of the best humor is science based.

Ever see any Far Side cartoons? The humorless should do a little self examination.

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Response to orson (Original post)

Thu Oct 11, 2018, 11:09 AM

2. If people can post articles from the Heartland Institute

Why not the Onion?

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Response to orson (Reply #2)

Thu Oct 11, 2018, 12:17 PM

4. Um..because HI is not a satire site

You may not like the source or it's conclusions....but it's not a satire cite.

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Response to orson (Original post)

Thu Oct 11, 2018, 03:06 PM

10. Drill baby drill.

We need to step up oil extraction. The thought of leaving all that toxic petroleum inside mother earth makes Gaia cry. It must be removed and burned. Trees will thank you.

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